Emotions

I was reading something the other day and it caught my attention. 
How many emotions can you name? Think about it, 5? 10?

Are those the only emotions you feel? 

Do you have the vocabulary to describe all the emotions you feel?
Do you know the meaning and exact feeling of all the below emotions?

Adoration	Alarm	Anger
Anticipation	Anxiety	Awe
Boredom	Compassion	Contempt
Confused	Curiosity	Despair
Disappointment	Dismay	Disgust
Dread	Eagerness	Embarrassment
Envy	Exasperation	Excitement
Fear	Fondness	Frustration
Gratitude	Grief	Guilt
Happiness	Hate	Hope
Horror	Hostility	Humiliation
Hysteria	Irritation	Irk
Joy	Love	Lust
Loathing	Misery	Panic
Passion	Pity	Pride
Rade	Regret	Resentment
Sadness	Scared	Shame
Shock	Shyness	Sorrow
Spite	Surprise	Suspicion
Terror	Vengefulness	Worry

Does English even have words for all the emotions that you feel?

What about the feeling you get when you have to get on stage to talk in front of hundreds  - My daughter calls it "nervous-cited" - Nervousness + Excitement. Just those two feelings ? That's an understatement. 

What about the feeling that occurs from a sudden realization of a grave mistake? The feeling where your heart seems to have dropped into your tummy and your body is all tingly? Is there a word for this feeling?

There are even many words for feelings in your mother tongue that you cannot translate to English. 

Then how do you communicate?

Dreams, Stories and Mr. Murakami

Have you experienced something that you cant explain?

I have been able to successfully explain everything that I am feeling, everything that I want to say. I can put my thoughts to paper and convey the intent, may be not very eloquently, but pretty much. We all know that one person who very passionately explains something for a long time but then you have no idea what he/she is talking. You just don't get it. They ask "You know what I mean" and you nod, just not to be rude.

But I have something that I am not able to explain. This book - Blind willow sleepling woman by Haruki Murakmi. I cant explain this.
When I read a book I must be able to answer few simple questions.
"Is the book good?"
"Would you recommend it to someone else?".
I cant explain this. The answer should be simple - yes or no. Sometimes a "may be" followed by reasoning.
But Mr. Murakami? I don't know. I don't know.

I was drinking coffee at office with a friend and she could tell I was preoccupied.
I tried to explain this to her "I am reading a book, its a collection of short stories. You know its so frustrating to read". She stated simply, "Do you have to finish all the books that you start? Why dont you stop reading it?". I couldn't.

I went on to explain.

Very roughly speaking, a short story has a beginning, story buildup and an ending.
This book collection have stories that are like this. Follow me for a while please.
1) Just the beginning: The "story" goes on randomly for several pages but just 6 lines about the title itself, the story begins and that is it!! THATS IT.

2) beginning and build up, but no ending: They abruptly end without any closure. And then you are frustrated because you did not get your closure. And you read more, hoping that some other story has answers and you end up getting even more frustrated.

3) what's-the-point stories:
There are some stories that were so painful to read and I was wondering what was the point of writing it. Mr. Murakami is a critically acclaimed author. So there has to be something, right?

Story: A Perfect Day for Kangaroos
The whole "story" is about a couple who goes to the zoo to see a baby kangaroo in its mom's belly pouch. They buy some food and then they see the baby and mother kangaroo.
Story: A year of spaghetti.
A lonely man eats spaghetti every day of the year alone. 

OK .. 

Mr. Murakami seemed to be smiling through the pages and saying "There, you have a beginning, build-up and ending. Why are you complaining?" 

Are we being mocked?
This was crazy, I thought. Offcourse there has to be something, some more meaning to the story. Something intelligent that I just dont understand.

My friend looked at me like I was going crazy over a book. 
She didn't get it.

Are you one of those that remembers your dreams?

Dreams. 

You know those dreams that start safe, warm and slow; with people you know and then branches out, literally. 
To a place you have never been, to a situation that you are absolutely sure is dream like. 
You see people you have never met, places you have never been to, creatures you have not imagined.
You fight a poisonous multi limbed monster; you fear an ant.
You brave a huge wave in the sea; you drown in a pool.

Dream that makes you think that surely cant be happening, you are just in someone else's dream.

But you are in the dream, you are orchestrating it. You understand it. 

It all makes sense. But not after you wake up.

Dreams. They are not connected, they do not have a structure, they do not have a story. They are just random frames pieced together.
Or is it not? Is there a meaning?

Do you understand what I am saying?

10 things to do on a rainy weekend

1. Sleep in and wake up late in the morning. Bed coffee is a great idea.
2. Take a slow hot shower.
3. Settle down near the window with a great book/music.
4. Have a warm bowl of noodle soup for lunch.
5. Rainy weather is a great sleep inducer. Be lazy and take an afternoon nap.
6. Prepare a fried spicy snack for evening coffee time - potato wedges, Indian chats or chips with spicy-tangy salsa.
7. Watch a good movie at coffee time. Enjoy the snacks and some popcorn.
8. Go for a walk/jog in rain (with or without umbrella).
9. Order home your favourite dinner (if you are still hungry).
10. Involve family/friends for a game session late into the night.

Conversation with a free thinker

I was having lunch with a colleague the other day. I was getting to know her better. She mostly dominates every conversation and steers towards the topics she likes and makes it interesting for everyone. She was getting to know me as well. We started with the usual banter - work, followed by kids and then conversation was steered towards our costums, values and beliefs.

She asked me about my religion. Any topic about Indian religion always starts with the many gods we have and the main gods - Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. And it invariably moves to discussing cast-ism in our society and various traditions that dominate a particular caste.

I asked her about her religion. This is how I asked her. "So what are you? A Buddhist or Christian?" Those are the two religions that a Singaporean Chinese belong to. She answered 'none'. I asked her again. She has to be something, to me the thought of not belonging to a religion just didn't exist. She said again "none, I don't have a religion." It took me a while to understand what she was saying. She was saying that she doesn't believe or belong to any religion. She was a free thinker.

To an Indian, she had said something unthinkable. We Indians belong to one or the other religion. We are born to a religion, we do not chose our religion. Even if an Indian doesn't believe in his religion's traditions and practices, he still belongs to that religion because he is born to parents who follow the religion. Religion forms the foundation of India, its culture and its society. Religion defines who we are, what we can achieve, what is expected from us. It has influence on politics, architecture, cuisine, dressing and thinking. There are religion and caste based reservation policies. Religion is so important in our society that you cannot understand India or Indians without first learning about their religion and its influence.

How can my colleague not belong to any religion? She must automatically belong to a religion her husband follows. She said her husband's family are Buddhists but her husband himself is a free thinker. So don't they believe in God? She says no, she says that there are things that are beyond her control in this universe, but that is science, not God. How are values inculcated in them? As kids, we were told stories of God, that he is the supreme being. The fear of god, the notion of hell and heaven teaches us what is right and wrong. She says, while growing up, they were told that they are supposed to follow certain things because their parents said so. Their parents are experienced and they know better; they were the guardians, so the kids listened to their parents. They learnt values for the greater good of society and not for the fear of God or religious practices. She clarified that she or her family is not against any religion or its practices, its just they do not follow any one religion. They are free to learn from all religions and pick and practice what they like from each religion.

Whats the role of the society in their lives? Racial harmony is one of the fundamental value of Singaporean government. All the religions co-exist in this country peacefully. Each religious group observes their traditions and government supports and encourages it. Schools and offices celebrate all the major festivals of religions here without bias. In-fact, being a free thinker is a religion in itself in this country. All official documents accept free-thinkers as a religion. There is no religious bias.

My colleague is a very warm person. She is an extremely friendly girl who is liked by almost everyone. She makes anyone welcome in the group. She can make witty conversations. She is a super-mom. She is very well balanced emotionally and is seen to be calm even in stressful times. She is a go-getter. Free-thinking or not being bound to a religion obviously hasn't done her any harm!

That conversation with her left me debating within myself. Free thinking is accepting the values of others and extending friendship by respecting their religion. And since the society doesn't need you to belong to a religion you call yourself a free thinker. This is same as being in a religion, because your society wants you to and respecting & adopting values from other religions. There are many Hindus who bring home a Christmas tree or cut a cake on New Year. Isn't this free thinking? Or is this just religious harmony?

Mission packing

I am packing bags again, to go on a short trip to my home country. 

Packing is not tough for me, I make lists. I usually don't forget anything important. I have 2 big suitcases in which I can dump 20Kgs. Previously, I did just that. I used to dump everything into those 20KG bags. I stuffed the suitcase with everyone's clothing, gifts, food items, toiletries and literally everything that is in my list. 

This kind of packing was so messy. I could hardly find anything in that big suitcase. I had to search endlessly for every simple thing. There was another problem - repacking. When I go back to my home country I travel to other cities and have to re-pack a lot of times. I would unload a lot of things from my big suitcase(like gifts, food items etc) and I ended up repacking every time. I would not have the right luggage size or the time and patience needed to re-pack. Also my husband and I usually split up to travel to different places and this needed repacking again! I need order with my things, even if it is in the form of organized mess. So I ended up by being stressed about packing and re-packing. It was about time I felt that this process needed some thought and organization.
 
This is how I am tackling it this time. As usual, I have made a list of all the things that I would need. I made the list as exhaustive as possible. And then I eliminated as below:

Carry only those items that you really need:
This sounds like common sense. But previously, I carried too many things 'just in case I needed'. I ended up bringing back most of those things untouched. Accessories were one such thing. This time, I am carrying only those accessories I would use for the dresses I have packed. Good-to-have, just-in-case items were ticked out of the list. I also tend to wear traditional wear back home. Western wear could be cut down to bare minimum. So I chopped off a significant portion of my wardrobe from the packing list.

Toiletries:
Instead of carrying bulky toiletries, I bought travel sized empty bottles for my toiletries and filled those up with the things that I need. This reduced my baggage size and space significantly. 

Buy things at destination:
If there are things that might be needed, see if it can be purchased at destination. If so, tick it out of the list. Items like my daughter's snacks, specific food items, toys, just-in-case diapers, our extra footwear were all ticked out of the list.

Layer and wear bulky items while flying:
Airport and airplane cabin temperature is pretty cold. I have decided to wear bulky items like Jeans, Jackets, scarfs, caps and shoes. I also carry books by hand which forms a significant portion in my luggage.

Organize the luggage:
Since there is lot of repacking required, I decided to break up my luggage into multiple small bags. All the toiletries and makeup in one bag, all our clothing separately in individual bags per person. I will stack these small bags into the big suitcase along with items that will have to be unloaded at destination(gifts, food items). This way, I will not have to repack our individual bags. We can even pick our own bags and split up and travel around without the need for repacking. Bonus, I know exactly what bag to look into for my item.

All these sounds so simple that it makes me think why didn't I do these before. Oh well, experience teaches you a lot! Hopefully, next time I wont be paying hefty price for luggage space in airfare.

What's your look?

"Short plump girl"
"That short, dark girl with specs"
"That short girl with messy curls"
These are some of the ways I have been referred to as. These are what forms my external appearance. 

We have specific physical characteristics that makes us look the way we do. It could be long hair, broad face, tall/short in height, our build - petite, slim or curvy, and other accessories like specs or jewelery. It could even be our birth marks - a big mole under lip, birth mark on cheeks and so on. These are what makes our external appearance. What if these external traits become our unique identity, like our personal postal code?

We are not happy with all of our physical characteristics. No one is happy with the way they look, it is just that one learns to accept it. We always wish for that physical trait of ours to change. We wish for a generous couple of inches of height, a more curvier shape or thinner structure, beautiful hair, fairer or darker skin color or something else. What if that aspect of yours, that you hate much, becomes your identity? Like you are always referred to as "the short, fat girl", "the girl with long messy hair", "the guy with a mark on his chin", "that old lady who limps" and so on.

This reference creates negativity in your mind subconsciously. Even though you have come to accept the trait, you will remember the person who made that remark. The person might have involuntarily made that casual remark based on the impression he has formed of you. But that person becomes 'the one who called you short'. Your mind forms hostility towards that person and chances of any friendlier relationship becomes remote. 

There are many positive physical attributes of a person that is not hurtful or derogatory. These physical traits can be an alternative to a compliment. Like "the girl who has a smiling face", "the one who has luscious hair", "the guy who looks like Brad Pitt" and so on. Another way to identify a person is by indicating something that he is good at. "The one who sings well", "the one who dances well", "the one who paints well".

If you do not personally know someone, you can still identify/refer to him by his positive physical traits. If its an office setting, you could identify someone based on what and with whom he works. If its a family setting, it could be based on the relationship.

It takes very little effort to be a bit more sensitive towards others. It takes you a long way by not being mean or hurtful, even unintentionally. By making a mental note of a positive physical trait or achievement of every person you meet or interact, even subconsciously, you will not be making rude remarks about the person.

"If you cant speak good about someone, don't speak at all!!"

- Anonymous wise person

Closure to 2012

2012 is done and we are entering a brand new year - 2013. Even a year-ending, like everything else, needs a proper closure. We as a family are closing this year by taking the last week off from routine and spending some good family time together.

This post is a closure too, to year 2012.

In retrospective, 2012 has been a very good year for me, personally and professionally. Some major milestones reached this year.

Health:
I maintained my weight this year but I was not so great in exercising regularly. I could do better definitely. 

Marathon:
I completed a 10K run(technically, not a marathon) with a better timing compared to 2011 run. I developed a faint numbness in my ankle after this year's run. I am hoping that with regular exercise this could be tackled.

Blogging: 
Blogging has been in my mind since a long time which I achieved in 2012. I started of with a private blog about my daughter. I then started writing for a parenting website called parentous. Inspired by parentous, I started this blog - Potpourri.
Find my articles on Parentous here.

Learn something new:
I learnt threading - an ancient method of hair removal. Indian women are blessed with luscious thick black hair, and unfortunately even facial hair for some. I am one such lucky person. I disliked those bimonthly visits to a beautician, it takes time and effort. After I learnt threading I can do this by myself and it is such a freedom. I don't have to wait till the end of 2 weeks to get rid of that unwanted hair! In the end, I save some time too.

Visit to Indonesia:
We visited Bali in August of 2012. Bali is very scenic city of Indonesia. Majority of people in Bali are Hindus, they worship hindu male gods - Ganehsa, Shiv, Vishnu and the like. With every street and shop named after a hindu god, people with hindu names I felt like we were travelling within India.
I was not very impressed with Bali - I have visited better beaches and cleaner cities in south east Asia. The beaches were dirty and not well maintained. The city doesn't live up to the expectation its name sets - Bali Paradise.

2013 is another year full of promises.
I have set my resolutions for the new year and looking forward to a new start.
Here is hoping that the new year will be a good mix of joy and sorrow - Happy New Year !!

Slow down!!

While growing up, I was mostly clumsy. I tried to do too many things at a time or tried to do things very fast! 
My hubby is at the other end! He is too slow (to me). He is the master of doing one thing at a time, slowly and carefully. He takes his time to complete a task and does it thoroughly.

Lately, I am learning to slow down. I have come a long way.

Few things where I slow down in my day-to-day routine:
1. After I am awake, I take time to get out of bed. I lie there, enjoying the sounds of early morning and the warmth of cozy bed.
2. Drink my morning cup of coffee without doing anything else, just gazing out of balcony.
3. Take time to exercise slowly.
4. Take a slow, long shower.

Anything after this becomes a bit rush. My office culture doesn't support doing one task at a time! 

After coming home in the evening, I slow down again.
5. Enjoy and sit-down to spend time with my 3-year old being completely with her - no cooking, no mobiles, no laptop, no TV.
6. Take time to slowly go to bed following all the night routine.

Image source: http://slowdownnow.org/

Slowing down doesn't mean being lazy. It's just an effective way to get things done efficiently in the same time. By multitasking, you are not doing justice to any task at hand. There is a whole website dedicated to slowdown and to take it easy! Go ahead, get some tips to slowdown. Ah, right! That website gives exception to women stating that women have superior brain function and are capable of multitasking! Most women who multitask are frazzled and exhauseted. That's exactly why women should slowdown too.

I am seeing a reflection of my childhood in my daughter. She wants to do too many things, all at once! I am trying to teach her to be patient, to do one thing at a time. I am sure we both will learn together to slow down, to be patient and to only do one thing at a time. 

Sale Sale!

Today Starbucks was crowded with people queuing up, obviously, to buy something. I thought it must be their usual lunchtime rush and decided to return back later. I don’t have the time to wait in such a long line on a weekday! When I went back, after lunch hours, there was a bigger queue!! I wanted to know what it was all about. Turns out that it is Starbucks’ 'giving gifts' offer time. Today's offer, in Singapore, was ‘buy one get one free’.

Personally, I don’t get this! Wait in such long queues on a weekday at 3PM! The people, who had lined up for free drink, were all those who worked in neighboring offices dressed in their swankiest formal clothing. They had lined up to get a free cup of drink!!

Note that you have to buy Starbucks’ tallest cup venti whose capacity is 590ml. You are buying a size, which you generally don’t buy, and get another similar sized free! Claiming the free drink might save you a few dollars. But what about the 20-30 minutes you spent in the queue. Time is money after all!! And what is Starbucks’ strategy? Assuming people all around the world queues up to "buy" the free drink, Starbucks gets a big boost in sales on that day! This one day sale is more than what it sells probably in the whole month!

I remember reading this article sent by one of my dear friend some time back. It details the marketing strategies malls use to lure customers. It explains Starbucks strategy:

  “Marketers observed…that discount offers such as ‘buy one, get one free’ or ‘three for the price of the two’ – a concept I am very keen on because this is how bookstores often package up their offers—tend to be more effective in boosting sales than the exact equivalent price reduction on a single purchase. The amount of money which is paid for the bundle of products is identical in each case, but more will usually be bought if they are packaged under an offer than if there is a simple equivalent reduction in the individual prices.”

I have fallen victim to few such marketing strategies. Once I had been to a nearby mall to get a haircut. There was a sale in the neighboring shop selling T-Shirts. I didn't intend to buy a T-shirt in the first place. But I went in to just browse. A really nice looking T-shirt was on sale with ‘1 for 20$, 2 for $30’ offer. I bought two similar T-shirts for 30$. In my defense, they were in two different colours. I went to the billing counter and the lady there told me about another offer. With purchase over 25$ I could buy a pair of flip-flops for just $5. Hey come on, that was a good deal! I bought a pair of flip-flop too!! It was not exactly loss to me. I used all of those. But, if they didn’t have that offer, I wouldn’t have bought any of those at all!

Another marketing strategy that I have fallen for a few times is collecting stamps at grocery stores. The scheme usually is that for every X$ you spend you get a stamp. If you spend 3 times X, you get 3 stamps. And this scheme runs for a specific period of time. I used to go to that store every time for my grocery shopping to earn more stamps. Also I would buy extra things to meet that multiple of X$, so as to not fall behind, by couple of dollars, to get a stamp!! By the end of it I would get a ceramic plate, bowl or something stupid like this!! I collected stamps twice and realized I was getting obsessed with collecting stamps and spending only at that store.

I, now, leave home with a list of things to buy, stick to the list and not look at any offers no matter how tempting it is. Because, simply, I don’t need it! The only time I look for offers is after I have had that item on my list of things to buy. It took some time to reach this stage. What I haven’t learnt, yet, is to get better deals for things that I have to buy. I am better at this while shopping online. Otherwise, I still have a long way to go!!

Just one failure ..

Few things happening over past few days that makes me really think, really doubt myself as a mom ... makes me wonder if I am doing a good job .. those days when I read too much into what I am doing .. those days when I am all consumed by guilt ...

What is right? what is wrong? who decides that?
May be I should relax a bit, after-all, who do I care more for?
Why do I judge myself? Why am I harsh on myself?
Why do I try to be perfect? Its OK to fail ... once in a while!

All my stress shows on kiddo too ...
The more stressed I am, the more upset she gets..
My irritation becomes her anxiety ...
My self doubts becomes hindrance to her self esteem ...

Its as if she is still attached to my umbilical cord ..

I hold my breathe, she gets suffocated ...
I go hungry, she cries ...
I am sleepy, she gets cranky ..
I am tired, she feels the pain ...
I am unhappy, she is gloomy ...

I am  happy, she is a bundle of joy ...
That all I want for her ...

Its just one of those days ..
just ...
one ..
failure ..

I promise you baby ... I will give you little more than my best!

Its that time of the year!

How is the performance review going to be?
Bonus or no bonus? Is the bonus worth the hard work? 
With recession bonuses are less these days .. But is it motivating enough?
What else is better than a dilbert comic strip for the situation?

Thankful on Thanksgiving

A friend asked at lunch table "Some say life is good while others say its tough, why is that?". Everyone pitched in with their answers. However, we all agreed that the basic things that you need to lead a good life are love, money and health; not in any particular order. Having all of these is the key. Abundance of one and absence of the rest doesn't balance your life.

Family love and support
Supporting parents/in-laws/siblings, loving husband, content and happy kids who love you and are there for you through good and bad times form the backbone of your life. Like-minded cousins and friends who can be reached at any time of the day, who are ready to give you a shoulder to cry on, who are sometimes the punch pad for all your frustrations contribute to the happiness quotient of your life. Support of family and friends also translates to freedom of thought, expression and decision-making. Close your eyes and think of all those people you would reach out first to share an important news. Imagine your life without these people! 

Health
A healthy body, free of any life threatening ailment is a basic necessity. A healthy body free of aches, pain and discomfort gives you time and energy to spend on meaningful activities. A fit body helps you lead an active life even after growing old.  
A healthy mind, free of mental stress and pressures of work is also important to increase the quality of life. Having a positive attitude takes you a long way. Getting regular exercise keeps your body fit and helps to relieve mental stress.

Money
This one is debatable. Some argue that money should not feature at all in this list. However, I believe that money is essential to lead a stress-free happy life. You cannot be happy when you are struggling to get yourself a plate of meal!
But, how much is enough money?If your family income is good enough to make ends meet, chances are that you will lead a good life. More money does not necessarily mean more happiness, but lack of money definitely lowers your quality of life. Food, Clothing, job ambitions and material comfort are covered under this broad umbrella.

On this thanksgiving, I am thankful for having all the above - lots of love, good health and money. I am thankful for a whole lot of other things in my life too. It's an astronomical effort to list all the things that makes me happy and those that adds quality to my life.

However, a couple of things deserve special mention in this post. 

iPhone
I am a hard-core iPhone fan. I could give you 100 reasons for why I love my iPhone. Call me addicted to mobile, but a smart phone does make your life easy. You no longer have to wait endlessly in the bus stop, you don't have to wait to reach a computer to do that quick google search or to make a reservation, you won't forget a birthday again, you don't need pen and paper anymore. Most commendable is that you can talk and give orders to your phone!! 


Morning Coffee
Strong filter coffee(/kapi) freshly brewed early in the morning awakens every cell of my body. There isn't a single day that starts without filter kapi routine. And I have managed a continuous stock of filter kapi powder supply in our fridge. I am a cranky person to talk to before I have had my dose of caffeine.


How many things like these do we take for granted? It's these small things that make difference in life. A plate of simple meal at your favorite joint, a walk in the rain, a book, an extra serving of dessert, a good workout session - a few little things that gives immense happiness.

Aaj mere paas building hai, gaadi hai, bank balance hai. Tumhare paas kya hai. Kyaa hai tumhare paas................. 
Mere paas ... Maaa Hai.

Preoccupied

My sis buzzed me, the other day, while I was having dinner. She told me that mom wants to video chat with my kiddo. I assured my sis that I will go online once I am finished with my dinner.

One thing led to another, and it completely wiped out from my memory that I was expected online. What’s worse, I didn't even recall it until mom reminded me the next day when I called her. She told me that she waited for a long time. I was helplessly overridden with guilt.

My sis called it absent mindedness. I termed it preoccupation. That incident bugged me a lot. How could I not keep track of what had happened just 5 minutes ago? Can’t I survive without my lists and reminders?

It haunted me, that night, in my dreams too.

My flight to, err somewhere, returned back and landed just 5 minutes after takeoff, to desert me back at the airport. The captain of the plane had received signal from the ground that a certain passenger was flying in that flight without a valid visa to enter destination!!

Now, that’s expensive - to be thrown out of a flight. It’s time to write reminders on my body, a la Aamir Khan from the movie Ghajini.

Potpourri

I have recently discovered the pleasure of writing. And so here we go .. 
Like the name says, this blog is going to be a cocktail, a concoction of diverse topics - A potpourri of my thoughts.