Story of a wallet

A wallet apeared at the coffee table

seemingly ordinary and mundane.

Multiple hands pried at it

something wasn't right.

It contained all the ordinary things

money, coins and cards.

Not a thing was out of place

but something wasn't right.

It was brand new;

It wasn't torn, it wasn't soiled,

neither stuffed nor overused;

but something wasn't right.

It wasnt the only wallet there,

it didnt contain riches

It wasn't branded, infact, the opposite.

 Yes, something wasn't right.

It wasn't flashy, it wasn't cute,

it didnt have diamonds;

it even wasn't pink.

And that was what was wrong.

A woman carried a man's wallet

that was what was wrong.

A wallet was genderized

That was what was wrong.

I was wrong about Kindle

I was wrong about Kindle.
I was wrong about not wanting to buy Kindle. Here is why:

• Books are one-click away from reading, at any time of the day. I didn't realize it was this convenient.
• You do not have to wait to find a bookstore or go to the library to get your favorite book. 
• Kindle editions are much, much cheaper compared to the paper edition.
• Love the vocabulary builder feature of Kindle. Simple tap to lookup a word in dictionary and it is stored in your vocabulary builder. 
• Some books can be very heavy and a pain to carry around in handbag. Kindle is very light to pop it in handbag and pick anytime to read. Waiting in queues has never been so much fun.
• It is much more ergonomic to read with my new kindle. I do not have to stress my wrist to scroll pages. All it needs is a light touch of finger to navigate. 
• My new kindle even comes with an experiment browser that lets me check my mails and do quick google searches!! 
• I can share my amazon account with my family and friends to share books with each other. 
• Kindle comes with my favourite book social website - Goodreads. I can read and write reviews, share my books and find my next goodread from my kindle. 

Bonus: I got 5000 free e-books with my purchase which includes a lot of books from my to-read list and much more.

10 life lessons

 
1. Life is too short to waste it by hating someone. 
2. Every problem has a solution.
3. You will cross the bridge when you come to it.
4. If there is something to crib about, it has to change.
5. Eat. Delete.
6. Don't compare yourself to others."Why would you compare how tangy an orange is compared to a beach? They’re not similar things."
7. Simplify your life, relationships, expectations and possessions.
8. Change is the only constant.
9. What other people think of you is none of your business.
10. You can love unconditionally.

Why Asian women definitely can't have it all?

Social Media and Internet is abuzz with discussions after the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg called to reboot feminism with her new book Lean In - Women, Work and the Will to Lead.

Based on one of the article - Why women can't have it all, my personal opinion is that an average Asian Women*, across all economic barriers and all sections of the society, definitely cannot have it all. Here are 10 reasons for that.

1. Asian society is inherently patriarchal.
    Men are breadwinners and Women are caregivers.

2. Most Asian societies prefer a male over a female child.  
    Family tree is traced by the male members of the family.

3. Education is unequal. 
    My father didn't have the money to give equal education to all of us, only boys went to good schools.

4. Marriages are unequal. 
    I want marry a girl who is less ambitious.

5. Women are expected to be selfless and maternal with kids on top of their priority list.
     I don't have any problems with my fiance working till we have a baby.

6. Women are groomed to backup men and not compete with them.
    Why do you want to study so much? What more do girls these days want?

7. Men (and Women) do and say sexist things, without even realizing it.
    What is the need for her to work when her husband has such a high profile job. She can quit and stay at home to look after her kids.

8. It's an uphill struggle for women who wants to have it all.
    You girls do not go with the flow by fighting against the system. You are the rebellious generation.

9. Being gentle and mellow are more likeable attributes in women.
    Women who appear competent are often perceived as less likeable. Men don't face this. - Deborah Gruenfeld, Professor of Leadership & Organizational Behavior at the Stanford Graduate School of Business

10. Most women don't even dream big because they are told "women can't have it all". 
    The word “ambition” for women is a troublesome one in Asia, often equated with evil and greed. - Jane Horan, the founder a diversity workplace advisory organisation, Singapore.

Disclaimer:
*My opinion is based on my experience working with many Asians and my travels to South, East and South-East Asian countries. I have no personal experience of other parts of Asia, so this generalization does not apply to North and west Asia.

Find the Balance

Originally posted on Parentous.

Have you thought about how some people achieve more things in 24hours of a day than you, how some people cruise through life without cribbing, how some people are happy even without doing much in 24 hours? The common answer I get, silly albeit, is that the person is either unmarried or doesn’t have kids. For such I say, grow up.

Ever since I became pregnant, I had decided that I would not use my kid as an excuse to crib or slack. I took a break from every other aspect of my life when my daughter was born. I wanted to take it slow, but not forever. I had decided that being a mom would not be my sole identity. I wanted to do a lot with my 24 hours. I knew such a life was going to be stressful.

The researcher in me awoke - searching the net and real life for inspirations. I know women who are really ambitious, travel extensively, study after having a kid, leave kids with parents and work in another city. On the other end, I have seen women who dedicate themselves to child rearing and home making completely with satisfaction. I admire those women who smile and live by their decision confidently.

The story of my life currently is this. My daughter is now 4 years old, more demanding than ever. I have a full time job, I exercise, I blog, I read (my target is usually 20-25 books per year, that is roughly 2 books every month). I spend a lot of time with friends. I indulge in simple me-time like shopping or a massage. Adding to the chaos, we have a pet dog. There is another person who gets a major slice of my time – not to forget my dear, loving husband, who becomes a child as soon as our daughter gets sick.

Yes, I have more mature lines on my face now. Yes, I have become thinner and look less attractive than 5 years ago. But I am happy and that is the key.

These are the tips that I would give to find the balance in life. 

Have a support system: 
“Behind every successful woman, there is another woman - her domestic help”

Have someone to fall back to – family, friends or hired help. You need a break once in a while. Besides, doing everything by yourself is the sure-fire way to get frustrated and look 50 at 30. Hire a part-time domestic help or a nanny. Know what to give up and when. If you decide to pursue other activities, send your kids to playschool, as soon as you can. I sent mine at 18 months - for couple of hours. You both learn to give each other some space early on. Your kid will get sick more often. This only helps them in building immunity early on. They fall sick even when you put them to school at 4 years. 

Get your priorities right: 
If you think you can do it all by yourself, you must be kidding! You are not a super woman. You can't possibly go to work, cook three meals a day, have a spotless house, not send your kid to playschool/daycare and have a good night’s sleep – all in one life. Make a choice and stick to it – go to work or stay at home. Accept the side-effects of the decision. Whenever you get those infamous guilt attacks, remind yourself of your priorities.

Don’t blame your husband: 
I have observed this in many Indian families. Indian husbands are breadwinners and that’s what they do best. Most of the men "help" mothers in child rearing but they play secondary roles, as backup. The sooner you accept this, the better it is for you. Our husbands are a lot better than our fathers. We can leave the kids with them behind for the evening and go on a ladies night out. But it is still far for Indian men to take 2-3 kids alone to the zoo/water park, all by themselves. I have not seen such an Indian man, so far!

If it is of any solace, this generalization can be extended to all Asian families. Asian women are the primary care givers of their offspring. 

Simplify your life: 
You knew this was coming, didn’t you? If you have something to crib about, that needs to be sorted out. You have to find tips to manage that aspect. God helps those who help themselves. Be it morning madness, bedtime struggles, irritating co-worker, idle mind or boredom. Find ways to be happy and productive. Find a hobby, learn a new activity and give space to each other in every relationship.

I remember reading this somewhere: "The busy man is never wise and the wise man is never busy”

Don’t be too busy to take part in the important things in your life. Take time to slow down without being stagnant. 

Care to share your tips to find the right balance?

What is feminism?

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

- Pat Robertson

(Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson is an American media mogul, executive chairman, and a former Southern Baptist minister, who generally supports conservative Christian ideals).

The word feminism evokes strong, and often, negative reactions. Some women pride themselves in saying they are feminists while some shy away from doing so. Some call themselves feminists but clarify that they do not hate men! Some say they believe in gender equality but they are not feminists.

What exactly is feminism?

Feminist theory aims at achieving gender equality in areas that creates gender imbalance. Feminism believes in equal rights in social, political and economic verticals. Any situation that raises gender or sexuality-based injustice, it becomes a feminist issue. In simple terms, telling a boy ‘not to play with dolls’ or ‘don’t cry like a girl’ is against feminist ideologies. The basic notion of feminism is that men and women are equal. Making any bias based purely on gender, not considering individual capability is termed gender bias.

Feminism is anti-patriarchy. In patriarchy, a male figure is at the authority of social, political or economic vertical. A woman is a man’s (father, brother and son) responsibility. Patriarchy is when women cannot inherit the title and property of family. This makes women lesser than men just because of her gender. Feminism opposes everything that patriarchy preaches. And this is the reason why conservative men and women are anti-feminists.

Only men are not responsible in making a patriarchal family/society. Women are equally responsible. Bringing up daughters to only cook and clean is patriarchy. Providing lesser educational opportunities to daughters is patriarchy. Bringing up daughters to share equal responsibility and sons to respect women is feminism. If a man fights for equal rights, he too is a feminist. If a man brings up his daughter considering her equal to his son, he is following feminist ideologies. 

Feminist movements fight for rights of women and empowering women to help them make informed decisions about their life. They fight for equal rights of women to education, marriage, employment and their own body. Feminists fight for championing causes like gender discrimination, equal pay in workplaces, prevention of marital rape, sexual violence against women, reproductive rights, commodification of women and many such.

Feminism is asking for equality, not hating men! Blame it on media to have maligned the notion of feminism. There is nothing negative about being a feminist. A feminist loves his/her spouse, probably, much more because of the freedom and respect in their marriage. A feminist loves his/her children equally without being partial to sons or daughters.

Where do I stand?

“If women want rights more than they got, why don't they just take them, and not be talking about it.”
― Sojourner Truth (A women’s right activist)

I was brought up with feminist ideologies. While growing up, I was told I could reach and achieve whatever I want. My husband and I both have a say in everything that happens in our family. Our daughter is being brought up the same way too. We are all flexible because of the security and freedom that we provide each other. 

I am not a feminism activist; I don’t go out to demand and champion feminist issues. But I know my rights. I try to seek and create gender equality in whatever way I can within my limits.

I found good answers to two most commonly asked questions for any feminism related topics. I leave you with the below.

“Inequality happens to men too.. Patriarchy affects men too..” What wrong with this statement?

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/phmt-argument/

Why are you concentrating on topic X when topic Y is so much more important?

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/04/12/faq-why-are-you-concentrating-on-x-when-y-is-so-much-more-important/

Indira - The life of Indira Nehru Gandhi

I had expressed interest in knowing about the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty of India here.
I read the book Indira - The life of Indira Nehru Gandhi.
The book was not as explosive as I had thought, but gave me a very good introduction to Indira Gandhi and quite a bit about Nehru too. Indira was a very dynamic prime minister of India.

My thoughts about the book here.

What's up in India ..

There is already a lot said about the recent Delhi gang-rape case. The brutality left me too horrified to say anything. The people of India are venting out their pain, their agony, their frustration and helplessness. For a change, this time, a majority of Indians didn't put the blame on what the men ate or what the girl wore (or they saved it for another day, because for now, majority of India is boiling with rage).

When the girl landed in Singapore for treatment, Singaporeans learnt about the case and were very curious to know what the issue was all about and why there are protests of this magnitude in India. I work in singapore and at my office lunch table were 5 girls of different nationalities of south east Asia and they wanted to know what was it all about.

I am the kind who always speaks good about India with my other nationality friends. I am proud of my country and always portray good side of it. But this episode had to be answered frankly, I had nowhere to hide, there was no way of escaping or getting defensive about my country.

They asked me why there is so much protest because criminals were already caught and arrested? I only told them that the public wants chemical castration and/or capital punishment for the victims. (I was still hoping that they forget the topic and move on to something else.) They wanted to know if rape and molestation are very common in India and is India not really safe for women? According to them taking a public bus has to be the safest way of traveling within city.

One of them had learnt about molestations in public transport. She wanted to know more about it. Her mouth fell open when I told that it happens even in daytime, even in fully crowded bus/train and the general public doesn't do anything to thrash the offender. She wanted to know why girls like me(who come from respectable and educated families) doesn’t do anything to confront the offender. I had to explain the mentality of society to such crimes, the shame that is associated with it and the fear of blame that falls on victim and not on offender. This was such a shameful moment to me, to lay India, my motherland, bare in front of others :-( One of them quipped "Why don’t the girls go to the police to complain?” She got the biggest shock of her life when I replied that any girl from respectable family doesn't go to police station in India. I remembered the time when I was called to police station for my passport address verification. I was accompanied by my dad and a bunch of my male friends. I didn’t tell this to her.

The girls wanted to know how it is in MNCs? Our office has subdivisions in Bangalore, we work with teams in Bangalore. "Are all Indian men the same? They all think ill about girls?" We have a few Indian men working in our Singapore office. I had to explain that not all men are same. I explained to them that well educated men(which MNC men are supposed to be) doesn’t think this way. I had to explain about gender difference, cultural upbringing and role of education to convince them that not all Indian men are evil. I didn’t want them to have an impression that all Indian men are vultures who are waiting to pounce on women. The protests in India and its coverage in Singapore media is not helping the image of Indian men, in general.

What if women have to work late in office? Its common in many professions to work late in office. I told them that most offices have cabs with security personnel appointed for drop off. By this time they were already skeptical. What if the security person's mind is corrupted?

Girls in Singapore can roam out alone even in the death of night. They can wear clothes that they want without any hesitation. They can go out on dates and return home at any time. They don’t need their brothers, friends, boyfriends or husbands to escort them wherever they go. For any petty issue they can walk into police station at any time and rest assured that their case gets attention. These lucky girls just don’t understand the situation in India. One of the girls innocently asked me "With all these, how do you manage to go out to celebrate something like a New Year countdown in the night?" This was my turn to laugh out loud (and silently shudder inside thinking about Guwahati case). "What celebrations at night outside, I haven’t stayed outdoor for any such celebration, it has to be indoor". She exclaimed "You girls don’t have a life!!".

There were so many questions from them - Is India safe for traveling girls? How can the government let all these happen? One of them was actually planning a trip to India, I don’t think she will be doing that anytime soon! However there is one thing that they all agreed “You don’t go back to India, stay in Singapore. You have a girl child”!! :-(

Ban of mobile phone usage by women!!

A village council in the eastern Indian state of Bihar has banned the use of mobile phones by women. 

Women, I tell you !! They are using the deadly weapon, the ultimate technology - mobile phones to disturb the social harmony that men has worked so hard to achieve.  Yes, it's women who lure the innocent, hardworking men to elope. Such helpless clan of men, what can they do when women tempt them!! 

The reason for ban - "Its always gives us a lot of embarrassment when someone asks who has eloped this time". This is the brilliance of one Mr Manuwar Alam, a troubled man, who heads the newly formed committee tasked with enforcing the ban. After-all, how long can the men-folk take the atrocities of women?? Its so "shameful". Finally, someone to save the man-kind!!

Even married women were eloping with lovers. How dare you ask if those lovers were married too? It doesn't matter. The culprit is decided - women of the village. 

Why are these women eloping? No, not because those married women were unhappy in the relationship. Not because those unmarried girls were just idle at home waiting for some  groom to come by. Not because the father of those girls didn't have the money for dowry. Do not look any further. Its quite obvious isn't it? It has to be because of the mobile phone!! "They are debasing the social atmosphere".

How can you ban the men from using mobile phones? Its so unsafe for men these days! They need it so that they can call for help if they have a problem. They can use it reach their family members when they are in trouble. They need it because it is so dangerous for them to freely roam out and about alone. 

If the women are banned from using mobile phones, men do not have to deal with being  blackmailed, at gun point, to elope with women. 

Idea of a genius !! Deserves accolades of highest order!!

Four more years: Barack Obama

Obama is the commander-in-chief for four more years.

The whole world debated, waited and witnessed the reelection of Barack Obama as the president of the U.S. Every major news paper scrutinized the election strategies of both sides, weighed up what went wrong for Romney and, of course, his political future. Major newspapers in every country carried editorials on the subject of what four more years means to them.

On the other end of spectrum, the fashion critics analyzed what Michelle Obama and Ann Romney wore on that day. Spoof video of Mr. and Mrs. President’s Gangnam style dance went viral on the internet. Obama’s office tweeted the picture of Barack Obama embracing his wife celebrating his victory. This has become the most re-tweeted picture till date.

What interests me is that there is so much limelight on Michelle Obama as the companion. Why is it not the case in India? I don’t remember seeing Mr. Singh’s wife at all. For the sake of this write-up I goggled about her. I don’t have to make that effort for Michelle Obama or even Ann Romney. I just have to read newspaper headlines to know about them.

Source:  topnews.in

To run for presidential, or for that matter, any elections in the US it is very important to have that family-man image. A broken marriage or even a casual affair is enough to tarnish the image of the candidate. Talking about candidate profile with a fully functional family, this holiday photo of our ex-chief minister with actress Radhika floats in my memory. 

He has a fully functional family. 

And a fully functional second family?  

Source: Here

Nehru Dynasty: Past, Present and Future

source: instablogs.com

I read an article recently about the Gandhi family, the other Gandhi, Indira Gandhi. The article raised a few questions.

Married to a Muslim, how did Indira get the surname Gandhi?

Who is the father of her son Sanjay Gandhi?

What is Sanjay’s real name?

Who killed Sanjay Gandhi and Rajiv Gandhi?

How did Sonia Gandhi get to power?

The article bases all these questions from below references:

1. “The Nehru Dynasty” by K. N. Rao

2. “Profile and Letters” K Natwar Singh

3. “The Life of Indira Nehru Gandhi” by Katherine Frank

4. “Assassination Of Rajiv Gandhi — Unasked Questions and Unanswered Queries” by Dr. Subramanian Swamy.

5. “Persons, Passions & Politics” by Mohammad Yunus

I am curious to find out about the politics of Nehru dynasty. 

I plan to read books 3, 1 and 4; in that order.